Thanksgiving in Canada comes
a whole month earlier than it does south of the border,
and for that I am especially thankful. Mostly because it
lands before Halloween, and then allows me to have a full
two months to take off the candy and turkey poundage prior
to indulging in both once again at Christmas time, just
when those jeans finally zip up. So, in honour of Canadian
Thanksgiving, this month’s Funny Mummy column offers
up a serving from my latest book, Shut Up and Eat: Tales
of Chicken, Children and Chardonnay. Put the turkey in the
oven, pour some wine in your glass, pick out your best eating
pants, sit back and enjoy this excerpt.
Gobble, Gobble
There are many things to be thankful for
when you have children. Here are some that might occur to
you, as they do to me, while you’re sitting around
the Thanksgiving dinner table with your extended family:
- Your son didn’t wear his FCUK
t-shirt to the dinner table. Grandparents still consider
it offensive. And so do I, on a
certain level at least.
- You decided against serving the peas.
(You’ve eyeballed at least two slingshots peeking
out of shorts pockets.)
- Your kids use so many slang/rap expressions
when dissing each other that your parents don’t
really know what they’re saying. Including “dissing.”
- Your mom decided to serve dinner buffet
style, so the kids can choose what they like—one
piece of broccoli and four pieces of bread? Fine. Don’t
care. Sit down and shut up—instead of complaining
about their plates full of things they won’t eat.
Otherwise, you’d get blamed for both wasting food
and not raising your children properly for. Or is that
just me?
- Candied yams are considered a vegetable
and not dessert. How (literally) sweet is that?
- It’s a special occasion, so
the calories don’t count.
- Turkey contains tryptophan, which
is known for inducing sleep. You will have a lovely hour-long
car ride home if you have an extra coffee and load up
hubby’s and children’s plates.
One of the best things about Thanksgiving
is that it is a really short holiday. Basically, it lasts
for one meal (at least here in Canada, where we do it on
a Monday in October, with no real football games or pre-Christmas
shopping frenzies to attend to). Other festive occasions
which are mercifully only a day long are children’s
birthdays and Halloween. The birthdays seem longer because
you have to spend so much time planning them, but the actual
event is mercifully short. Likewise Halloween. And the really
good news about Halloween is that you don’t have to
bother making dinner that night, or breakfast the next morning.
It’s all about the candy. And even if you are the
type of parent to force your kids to eat something healthy
before they go out trick or treating, rest assured that
they’ll shove any nasty dinner down their throat just
to get out there. Score.
Yet another thing to feel thankful for.
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